"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
