Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
