So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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