A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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