:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
