you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
