just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
