dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
