So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
