i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
