I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
