There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
