just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
