That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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