Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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