just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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