WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
