We're facebook friends in real life
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
