I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
