No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
