Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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