Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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