My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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