I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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