we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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