At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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