im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What a dumb baby whore.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
