it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
