I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
