I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
