I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
