her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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