yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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