my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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