My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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