guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
