Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
