i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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