I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
