she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
