I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
