i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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