you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
