The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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