I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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