I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
nutella sex= disaster
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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