If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
