I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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