its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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