If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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