Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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