My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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